Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Rulers, Ruling All Things

APRIL 7, 2011

My entire working life I'd kept a short list of Rules on me at all times. They had started off as Three Rules but had evolved into Four Rules after working a few jobs in the U.S. They look like this -:

The Four Rules Of Work

One - Never poo in work.
Two - Never let people actually know how smart you are. The repercussions are endlessly exhausting.
Three - Don't get anyone pregnant.
Four - ALWAYS carry a copy of your resignation letter with you at all times.

1. Now I'm a stay at home Dad they are totally useless. All my pooing is done, "at work." No longer shall I realize as I'm pulling into the parking lot at work that I will be sitting awkwardly for 9 hours straight praying that the terrapins don't escape (so to speak). I am still filled with pride that I would only ever poo at home or in a field of crisp white snow.

2. Add my kids know how stupid I am. Everywhere I've worked people thought I was smart. But there was no way on earth I was letting them know that I was actually smarter and better at my job. Goodness knows the chaos that may have brought forth.

3. That's not even close to being appropriate. 

4. Neither of my kids can read, so a signed resignation letter is useless. And who would I give it to? My wife? She'd still be laughing in a year if I tried that. And I don't want to quit. I always wanted to walk away from my actual jobs. Even one's a I really liked because, well, playing with my kids and goofing around and still having money is way more awesome.

What am I supposed to do now? My entire coda has been shot to pieces.

I suddenly feel like Ron Swanson without the mustache.

Daily Dump - Caught Red Handed

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