Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Agony

JUNE 18, 2011

I have been besieged by mosquitoes. I was pretty sure I had drenched my entire body in liquid cancer juice (40% deet) but apparently I'd missed behind one ear, the bottom of my big toe and the crack of my own arse. I am not amused at all. Years ago I'd discovered that not only do bugs consider my body a gourmet ethnic meal, but that I appear to be somewhat allergic to some of the stuff that bites me. They'd bite me on the wrist and my entire elbow would swell up wider than my head. And the throbbing - oh the throbbing! So I'd butter myself with some 3M deet-wax that bugs simply could not bite through. Fast forward a few years and the reaction seemed to mellow - but the bugs still really liked eating me. I figured the wax stuff was much more lethal than the spray so just got the strongest stuff I could find. The kind of stuff that when it touches your lips they go numb for at least 90 minutes. I'm not even kidding.

Add that both my kids saw fit to play silly buggers last night and refused to sleep. My son, bless him, is teething and it appears to hurt like a nightmare. My daughter didn't fret about it at all so it actually took us a little while to figure it out. My daughter though - she just refused to sleep. And the clever little trickster kept asking me to lie down with her and pretended to sleep until she thought I'd conked out, and then she tried to sneak off! No doubt to smoke beer and fondle stuff. They grow up so fast these days.

Now, if I can just get my in-laws retarded dog to stop barking my day would be good. The thing just doesn't shut up. A squirrel moved. Woof. It's sunny. Woof. It heard a woof. Woof. And my in-laws are completely unaware of it. The kids in the house are physically flinching at the constant violent barking, but they just don't hear it anymore. We get to take care of him next week. That bark will be gone once we're done with him, I can assure you.

Daily Dump - Obligatory Yankee Shirt

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