Monday, November 7, 2011

Chimney Chuffing

It took my daughter two minutes till after her mother left for work to ask for candy. She'd been, "extra good" so deserved it. She's never been given candy at that time. Ever. And she's never asked me at 7am either. So I told her nothing like that will go in her mouth until Fruitloop Friday. Times they are a'changin'. She's been asking em endlessly since then if it's Fruitloop Friday tomorrow. No - it isn't. Chancing her arm she climbed inside the tote-box, covered herself with a blanket and made a loud squeaking noise. Then she announced that she had made her own time machine and, whaddya know, it's now Fruitloop Friday. I deeply wanted to expalin to her the term, "taking the piss" but thought it best not to.

By the way, my son is really getting the knack of the The Number One Rule of Baths and Showers (and Hot Tubs and Swimming Pools). More than that he's also getting the hang of whipping his clothes off at even the slightest hint of a bath. I mentioned we might have a bath or a shower right after dinner. My wife told the kids to get ready to go upstairs. My son, applying bucket loads of initiative, took his jeans and underpants off at the bottom of the stairs. Good man. There's no time to waste in these matters. My wife filled him in with the correct order of events (at least get upstairs before bombing about the place with your wing-wang out) and we headed on up. When we were all upstairs his mother commanded him to go obey The Number One Rule and he was off like a champion scrumper caught by orchard guard dog. No tears or complaints tonight - he wanted that bath so got his toilet seat and begged to be plopped on it. Then he squirted out his portion of piss and begged for be to get that bath started. Of course, we ruined his evening then by having a shower which he wanted none of, but was definitely having. Worst five minutes of his day by a long way. My daughter loves showers so wanted to take as long as possible. I was happy to do that too, but then she reminded me to, "really clean your chimney chuffer Daddy - because you might have the smell of fish in your funnel" and I decided it best to get it over with quickly.

My daughter has been plotting all morning too. First she had Honey Bunches of Oats for breakfast. She asked me to filter the good bits out like she used to but I declined. So she ate the good bits and left the rest for her brother. Then she asked me for a honey sandwich for her real breakfast. Fine - she ate two clementines as well so I wasn't too bothered. Then she proposed renaming today Honey Monday. Sounds fine I guess. Then after I agreed to that she said I had to give her a Halls Honey-Lemon throat lozenge or I'd, "break the rule of the day." It was the closest thing to candy she could think of that was also actual fruit and, "good for you." So that's what this is about. Instead I made her a honey-lemon tea and she's been alright about that. She just went back through the Honey Bunches though looking for any lumps she may have missed.

I guess I should go clean something. The house is a tip.

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