Friday, December 23, 2011

Blood Soaked Snowballs

Look at that frosty goat.

My daughter has now selected her two favorite songs of Christmas. Basically she's doing an End Of Year list like all the music websites/magazines do - except just for Christmas. For a very long time she would play Frosty The Snowman on repeat. I now hate that song. The man singing it has absolutely no singing talent and his voice is awful. So bad in fact I swear that he's singing about a goat for part of it. I've listened to it over and over and he must be singing about a frosty goat. I will not look it up. Thankfully that cursed Italian donkey song was cast aside by her as too ridiculous. Which it is. Sadly my son charges around the house yelling parts of it. Lately though my daughter has been loving this one -:


I didn't bother to look for one with a real video. I don't think I'd be able to look at whichever insipid child was singing it anyway. The other song she's had me play a few times is a complete accident. It was on in the car once and I didn't turn it off quickly enough. It's this -:


\Yes that's right - my daughter celebrates Christmas by playing C and C Music Factory. She's had me play it about four times and has already asked me to put it on her MP3 player on Boxing Day - which is when all those annoying Christmas songs that are on it will be erased. The tree will come down. The decorations will be boxed. And that MP3 player will be the first thing done. It wasn't as bad as I thought thankfully as some of the songs are ones I like. I was worried though. I remember years ago my mother in law bought a Christmas CD at the grocery store (you can already imagine the standard by that alone) and played it constantly. It was versions of Christmas classics - but played solely by steel-drum musicians. My word it was awful. And there is an upside to this instead of the radio - and that's being able to filter out the appalling dirge of John Lennon and Bruce Springsteen that they insist on playing every half an hour.But I'm not putting that on the MP3 player.

We bought flooring today. If you didn't know when we bought this house a few years ago we ripped the floors out. Well - those that hadn't already collapsed into the basement already. Then ew framed them and put plywood down. That was as far as we got. The kitchen was completed and we left the hard wood down upstairs and in the dining room. But the living room has looked silly since. Well no more. It's paid for and will be here soon for us to yell at each other over while we install it ourselves. This also means repainting the over the gaudy color that I thought would work and putting all the trim up as well. So for those of you that know what my living room looks like - it won't look like that in a few weeks.

Whilst buying that we popped into an Asian grocery store for some Fish sauce. There isn't one near me. And we like fish sauce a lot. And besides - I haven't been in a store for ages where my daughter could loudly repeat over and over again, "WHAT'S THAT AWFUL SMELL DADDY?" So obviously I used my very posh English voice in an attempt to not seem uncouth and mean. Actually I sort of wish I hadn't. Because I thought it would have been really amusing to plonk the fish sauce down at the cash register and gruffly ask if this was made in America or some cheap knock off shit made in China. That would have been comedy gold.

Also whilst out we went to a Denny's for breakfast. My wife takes the kids out sometimes for Mommy-time with them. It usually goes well because when there's only one parent whatever invisible element that causes them to go insane is missing. My wife says it's me. Anyhoo my daughter ordered something called Pancake Puppies. Which are basically doughnut holes on a plate with another bowl of frosting and some sundae sauce or fake maple syrup. High end stuff here and not healthy at all. Hence the rarity of her eating them and the very low price of $1.99. Except because it's Christmas they obviously have been dyed red. I can't decide whether they look more like blood-soaked snowballs or Clifford The Big Red Dog's testicles.


I don't even want to know what those white blobs are.

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