Saturday, December 31, 2011

Mick Hucknalls Pink Pancakes

Sometimes you don't know your own strength. Sadly I didn't know mine is much much weaker than I thought it was.

My wife and daughter have gone out gallivanting in the White Power Jeep. Leaving me and the sleeping boy (He Who Hath Not Shiteth) at home for a bit. He should sleep while I laugh at Manchester United and blather away about nothing in particular. I suppose I could clean up a little but my arms are dying. The car we got rid of was weighted down with 5 100 pound bags of tube sand. Which - during the Great Basement Flood Of 2011 had taken some quality moisture and frozen in the back of the car. So I had to drag them out and down into the basement. I felt fine for the first 3 bags but the second two hurt like a bastard. I told one of my online friends that my arms feel like I've actually hurt them quite badly and he helpfully pointed out, "that's what it feels like when you do something strenuous." Cheers for that. Cheers also to another friend who accused me of exaggerating chronic wankers cramp.

Amusingly it took my wife half a day to buy a car. There are two things here that she finds funny. First off is that she's a Western NY woman. Meaning driving in snow is like breathing. It's not hard and she doesn't complain about it. Instead she shakes her head aghast at those people that are strewn about in ditches and snow banks as if they have absolutely no acumen for snow driving at all. So when she drove the Saturn Death Slide to work and it fish-tailed on her she told her coworkers and they gave her that disdainful look people give idiots who can't drive in the snow. She pointed out it's the car. Then they patronizingly told her that she should get snow tires and weigh the car down. Yeah - both those things are done already - it's the car. And it really is. I hear from car buffs all the time about how they'd never buy certain vehicles. People I used to work with would mock the fact I drove that Saturn Ion and yet they'd drive home in their 2006 Ford Taurus. But the Ion had over 100,000 miles on it and didn't ever have a problem. Every car I've had has been to the shop every 4 months for something. The Ion just didn't. For someone not mechanically minded like me that's perfect. And we got it on a great deal. The dealer was a royal pillock but we got a great price for it. Of all the cars we've had we've never spun, repeatedly slid into a Stop or anything remotely iffy. The Saturn seemed to have epilepsy in comparison. It's only very good fortune and my complete lack of alarm that meant I could drive it to work for two winters.

Secondly it did only take my wife half a day. That weirded a few people out a great deal. Especially people she worked with who she told in the morning that she just decided to buy a new car and then by the afternoon had one. I know people who have taken 2 months to buy a car. Visits to different dealers and tens of test drives until they bought something. Balls to that. We have a good dealer already. People say you can't get a good guy and that they're all sharks. Well no. Our dealer is smart enough to know that he needs his customers to come back and buy more cars from him in a couple of years. So he was very good with good prices. He gave us a good trade in price too. When we went to him last year he flat out told us not to buy something that wouldn't suit us that cost more. He's a good guy. My father in law had a good guy too - he'd go to auctions for him and get him great prices with no hint of sharkiness. And years back we had the most ethical dealer you can imagine - a Mennonite car dealer. Wrack your brain over that one. So when my wife decided to ditch the Saturn she looked at our guys inventory and tried the three cars that were 4 wheel drive and family sized. The Jeep won over a Trailblazer and an Escape. Not really much reason to delay buying the thing. So my wife brought it home and someone who drives a 2005 Mercury Montego gave me the, "Wow they suck. Oh well if you think it's okay to buy a Jeep then amuse yourself. Not me though - I'll stick with my amazing car. Yes it was involved in a massive recall due to the fuel tank actually dropping out of the car. But it's totally awesome with the cool sticker I put in the back window about The Ass Family."

Well, time to watch John Terry crying. And no the title of this has nothing to do with anything I wrote. I just caught myself laughing too hard yesterday about that Charlie Brooker pearler.

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