Friday, December 2, 2011

My Daughter Wants A Beer Fort

We are out of Fruit Loops. And it's Friday. Everyone is taking it surprisingly well though. There was just enough for a small bowl for my daughter and a couple for my son. That's probably the amount the FDA and CDC permit anyway. Someone told me to splurge on the real multi-grain fruit-flavored secret good-for-you ones (Annie's I think) that are now available. Maybe I will. Cascadian Farms make a healthy option one of them too, but they are about $17 a box. At leats they aren't getting Lucky Charms. Or this naff.

You can literally picture junkies snorting coke through those. And my kids aren't eating this crap for status or because it's cool. They get them because that way they know they have achieved their weekly rationing of utter bilge and I get to control it with rules. Besides - they like the way the sugar burns their skin and gives them temporary paralysis on one side. I'm suspecting the healthier ones have less asbestos and radioactive waste from the Chernobyl meltdown in them, but will also just make them shit more often. Which doesn't sound like winning. I'll explain the physical deformities and CJD-like symptoms to them when their older. Actually no I'll just blame fluoride in the water supply. Strangely there are plenty of wack-jobs who already believe that one so it shouldn't be hard.

We are planning a thrift store pillaging today. Mostly Christmas-type stuff. But I also know they have some pretty nice sets of stoneware and things like that which were given to them new. My daughter wanted to get them last week for her aunt but I told her to hold off. Which is pretty silly seeing as they are still new, are very decent and are about $75 new. So yeah - might get those. And some general Christmas guff too. Streamers and dangling stuff would be good. My daughter wants lawn ornaments. I can't bring myself to quite do that. Those twelve foot inflatable snow globes people have on their front lawns are frightening. I often wonder - if that's what they have outside, what the Barry McGuigan have they got in their living room? Especially those people who literally spunk Christmas cheer all over their front yard.

Also it pains me to say this but my daughter put out some decorations that we had and then said, "I think the gas station looks nicer Daddy." Classy. What she means is the gas station has the aforementioned dangly stuff and spray-on-snow on the windows. Either that or she wants to see a pyramid of window de-icer in the window and a fort built out of Molson Light in the mud room.

Last night we hung up the advent calendars too. We have three home made ones that are pretty darn nice. I didn't quite have enough stuff to go in them so I fixed that problem with a few candy canes and Hershey's Kisses things. Nobody really likes those but they were on offer and fit in the advent calendar. And candy canes are a great novelty for about two weeks before everyone reads the ingredients on the box and realizes they are just corn syrup and sugar. Which is what demons poo (I wouldn't do a Google image search for that by the way).

Anyway - time to get cracking on that beer fort.

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