Saturday, December 31, 2011

Shallow Grave

My wife is trying to kill me.

The electric dog fence we have around our property isn't buried all that deeply. Last year when the plow guy came he dug his plow a good inch under the driveway and scraped a layer of gravel into a pile at the end of my driveway. In the process he caught the electric fence and it snapped. Which was odd because the year prior he didn't do that. It's not as if it is suddenly shallower this year. This past week our first real winter snowfall came and the following morning the plow guy came and - once again - dug down into the gravel and broke he electric fence. So while you were all doing whatever you do on a Saturday (hopefully not watching college football - which is deemed to be exciting because nobody can tackle and half the quarterbacks throw five interceptions a game) I spent a small portion of it on my knees digging the near-frozen ground with my fingers.

I don't know if you've ever tried to dig a gravel driveway up at all. You cannot use a shovel because it just hits rocks and bounces off. Really the easiest method is to just get down in it and pull up whatever is loose with your hands. I had to do that in the basement a few years back after we moved in and there was no sump pump buried. When the first water came I had just returned home from work and was handed a shovel and a sump basin to put in the hole. After banging the shovel a few times I just thought bollocks to it and lay on the ground and dug like a mole. It was Fall, cold and the water was about three inches deep to begin with, but no way was my brand new furnace getting wet. 45 minutes later and there was a 30 inch deep pit. Fast forward to today and I'm kneeling on my wet driveway trying to dig a trench for the electric dog fence. It snowed yesterday but today is above freezing so the ground isn't frozen. Still, there is snow on the ground. The neighbor helpfully asked what on earth I'm doing in a mud puddle digging the ground like a demented squirrel on New Years Eve. After I told explained the broken fence he smugly pointed out, "yes, but your dog doesn't know that."

It didn't take long though and I'd dug the trench. Wasn't bad at all actually. My wife then came out to wire it back together while I went and filled some buckets with new gravel to cover up the holes. She came in and told me it was done. Right as I'm headed back out to kneel in the puddle again she thought it was a good idea to tell me she'd turned it back on again. She knew I'd be kneeling in puddle that covered the width of the driveway whilst holding a live electrical wire plugged right into the mains. That's why she let me know in case I might like to know. Presumably after the power went out and then she saw me face-down on the driveway outside she'd come out at some point. You know - to figure out when I was going to make her a cup of tea.

Happy New Year.

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