Saturday, December 3, 2011

She's Got Goldfish

There's an old lady living in my car.

Not really obviously. This isn't Sheffield for goodness sake. No - what's happened is my daughter has taken her "I live alone because my parents were butchered" shenanigans on the road. Yesterday I strapped the kids in the car then walked around to my side and got in. At which point my daughter declared, "I'm an old lady that lives in your car. Don't worry - I've got goldfish." Then she whispered that I have to play along and it's just like in the house. I nodded and switched the radio on to Santa Baby before she could carry on with it all. Presumably if she hadn't started rocking with laughter about the ridiculousness of a Santa Baby she'd have told me she was out for a calm country drive when masked gunman stopped the car and massacred her real parents. She probably had to help bury them as well.

Yesterday's thrift store purchases were awesome by the way. We got a bear for Grandma, some ornaments and a few other things. We also got a Christmas tin that my daughter will fill with mints for Grandpa. I don't know if he eats them but that's one of those things he probably doesn't do because he just doesn't ever have them. Like fruit. I did get one of those shaking bell things to simulate Santa's reindeer. My daughter loves that thing so much that she came home and made her own with pipe cleaners and three spare bells we had knocking about. The lady at the thrift store also told us next week is it for Winter and then they are shut till the end of March. Ouch. But it's a rummage sale and the woman said they would keep some stuff aside for us.

I went Christmas shopping this morning for my family. I think I've cracked it this year. My daughter got some craft stuff and a few little things that she will genuinely love. How many kids do you think would be completely chuffed to get a 50 cent empty squirt bottle? Mine will. She can wash the windows with it - and with a smile as well. I also ended up at TK Max (Or is it TJ here? Yes people who don;t know this - they have different initials in the US and UK. No idea why. I can never remember which one is which.) to get wooden Thomas stuff. I was at another store and they tried to fleece me for $21 for one bloody train. Same thing at TK Max was $7. I win. I also got some wooden track for my daughter so she can feel the train love as well. I was also shocked to see the exact thing I was after for my wife in there. I'm not blabbing what it is (it's a seven foot long ceramic fertility crocodile that actually ovulates live terrapins - shhhhhh don't say anything) but trust me - it's awesome. I also got a bag of femurs (yes I did write that) from Petsmart for some extended family who are always very generous at Christmas time. Well - for their dog. It's a Chesapeake Bay Retriever so pig ears weren't going to cut it. So that's almost everyone done. So if we don't get anything else for the kids we're done. My wife is sorted. Grandma and Grandpa have and the great aunt/uncle have something from the kids. My wife - erm excuse me I mean Santa - always sorts out the stockings with the best stuff so I'm happy with how it's all going.

I did notice that in stores today they were really trying to flog tat from the 80s. Not things really - but plates and t-shirts with "I Love The 80s" on them. And there were lots of those fashion t-shirts that had semi-obscure metal bands on them a few years back, but these ones had Pet Shop Boys and Frankie Goes To Hollywood on them. I didn't even know they made it over here? And I thought the 80s thing had been done already a few years back? Musically it certainly had. And that sense of pride in your formative years being during the 80s is quite popular now amongst some younger people at work who think being born in 1980 means that's the decade you claim as yours (it's not). An acquaintance of mine the other day posted one of those naff "If you're a child of the Eighties" Facebook status updates the other day that tried to cram all that was poo about it into 250 characters. Mostly stuff about Saved By The Bell and not having a cell phone. They asked what other people remember about the 80s. So I said, "AIDS and the Green River Killer." To be fair they aren't the highlights but it's what came to mind first.

You can't buy that for Christmas though. Except maybe in Sheffield.


  1. Pork. I was worried when it said "meaty femurs" on the front. Seemed a bit to vague like the Indian restaurant in South Wales I went to that only had lamb and "other meat" as the options on the menu.