Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Boy With A Cucumber

"Your ear is wiggling Daddy!!"

This means only one thing - there's an urgent Superhero Alert from CentCom (or - if you want to be specific, from a little girl hiding behind a chair). Usually something awful has happened. Like her foot is stuck under a book. At which point I use my Superhero strength and guile to pull her out to safety. Unless she has a rock from my planet, "that is filled with hairs." Then I realize I've been tricked.

Now that might not sound like the most amazing story. It isn't. But frankly I didn't want to start this entry by relaying my wife's most recent protestation at my son which was, "why are you getting a boner?" She's trying to "pee him" before she runs off to work. He doesn't want to be there. So he's summoned every trick in the book to prevent her from making him pee. He probably needs to. But she has skills of her own. Like jabbing him in the bladder. You can pretend it's a tickle if it makes you feel better. But once she jabs him there he has more trouble keeping the yellow menace in. Which is neither here nor there - I just didn't want to start with the whole boner thing.

One thing that really amuses and astonishes my wife and I is when we're at the grocery store checkout and the cashier will hold up a fruit or a vegetable and ask what it is. Now, we both understand that not everyone knows what every weird odd ethnic fruit is. But we aren't buying those. Because we live in the arse-end of nowhere and are buying fruit and veg at the local chain grocery store. They're not really in the habit of stocking weird Japanese Araimo root vegetables or anything like that.

More often than not the person cashing us out holds up something very ordinary like a chunk of ginger root or a turnip. Which is very ordinary. The reason this irks us isn't because just because it should be pretty freaking obvious to most people what a turnip is because surely they've eaten one. More so to me it's irksome is because they work at the store and check out hundreds of people every single day - many of whom are obviously buying things like ginger. Better than that though are the pluckier cashiers who don't want to miss the opportunity to take a stab at it. I have genuinely had someone hold up an avocado and ask, "is this a sweet potato?"

Which leads me to yesterday. I made a chicken and cannelloni bean soup for dinner. At the end of cooking the whole thing I chucked in a can of beans and a sliced zucchini. I sat my kids down with a bowl of it and a few slices of buttered bread. My daughter instantly says, "I don't like cucumber soup." I told her it's a good thing I didn't make that then. Realizing that is in no way helpful I pointed out it was chicken and bean soup - stuff she likes - with zucchini in it. When my wife got home I told her that amazing story. She smirked and said that the girl at the store ran it through the register as a cucumber. Which means that girl is only as smart at vegetable recognition as a four year old.

Also, my son does a suicide jump. On his way down our stairs he likes for me to wait at the bottom for him. Then when he gets to the third or fourth step from the bottom I hold out my hands and he leaps squealing at the excitement of it all. Sadly he's also not the sharpest cookie on the wrong side of the bed. I say that because this morning I came downstairs with him and took the spare clothes I had for him into the living-room. At which point I heard him yell, "WHEEEEEEEEE!!!" and then hit the ground. At which point he cried in pain because he stubbed the same toe that he hurt quite a lot last week. You'd think he'd learn (as would I) from that but he tried it again later on as well. So now I have to be on my guard. Any hint that he's ready to launch and I have to be there.

Time to go. The ears are wiggling again.

1 comment:

  1. Lol, avocados are exotic and strange. You live in BFE just sayin'.