Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Return Of The Chocolate Chip Chicken

The Mayhem has returned.

Today my children and I lay in bed and played The Chocolate Chip Chicken for a good forty minutes. I haven't screamed, laughed or been hurt so much in months. My son can scream at a pitch that could be used as sonic warfare. As this is now many months on from the original Chocolate chip Chicken adventures I thought it only right that we retire most of the old monsters (which have - after all - already been defeated) and introduce a new series of scary beasties that threaten our very way of life. I encourage you all to hide under your own blankets and frighten your loved ones with the threat of these terrible monsters about to attack you as well. In no particular order -:

The Boy Who Pokes Fudge (much more innocent and yet more nefarious than you think it is)
Permanent Darkness
Six Spaniards Sucking On A Donkey (get your mind out of the gutter)
A Horse That Hid A Haggis In It's Hair
That Which Cannot Be Imagined (just try it)
The Foreigner That Farts Fruitloops (my daughter cheered at this one)
A Nurse With A Bell (my daughters first offering - somewhat weak on reflection)
The Bellybutton That Swallows Children
A Welshman with A Hammer (possibly the most frightening thing on this list...)
A Suspicious Smell (which turned out to be the dog)
A Very Heavy Man
Canada (my son hid for ages after I yelled this)
The Weatherman (my daughters second offering)
Perpetual Motion (rather difficult to keep going if you aren't actually fit)
Frosty The Yellow Snowman (ewwwww)
The Worlds Stickiest Lick (my daughters third offering - getting better)
The Daddy That Eats Giggles
Des Lynham's Sense Of Smell
The Parrot That Polishes Porcupines
Sudden Narcolepsy
Mommy's Leg (a fourth and disappointingly dull offering from my daughter)
A Monster that Only Eats Children Named Evelyn and Owen (might be too specific for your needs)
Sim Le Bon Pushing A Duck
This Face (it helps to note here that my daughter made a scary face)
The Badger That Bothers Bulgarians

and last of all - my daughter's final offering,

Some Onion.

Obviously such an exciting series of frightening adventures should be soundtracked. I thought about various styles of music for this. But most music is either too singularly dimensional for the period of time it is being heard, or evokes the wrong series of moods. In the end I realized this was futile as it wouldn't capture the inherent awesomeness of the whole thing. No - what would really capture that would be my son scream-singing to reggae. Luckily I had just the thing.

1 comment:

  1. "That Which Cannot Be Imagined" - I think it's time for you to introduce your children to HP Lovecraft, just saying.

    And screamo-reggae is the greatest thing I have heard EVAR.