Friday, December 16, 2011

The Sabotage

"Quick Daddy - there's been sabotage."

My daughter learned that word somewhere. Now she lies trapped under a cushion or blanket and cries, "sabotage!" It's pretty surreal. She'll also blame sabotage for things her brother has done. So this morning I was getting him dressed but started doing it backwards. I put a shirt on him and he ran off with nothing on his bottom half. My son oozes giddiness when he's any kind of naked so he was off like a whippet. He came bowling into my daughter's room where she was making music on her keyboard and she yelled, "Daddy Owen's been sabotaged!!" Fair enough.

He's actually got to sort out his weirdness with nakedness. My wife pulled him out of the bathtub the other evening and he squatted over a shampoo bottle and tried to scuttle out of the room like it was a pogo stick. All I could picture were those condemning stories complete with guilty X-rays of people who showed up at the emergency room with a barbie doll stuck in their anus. "Oh - I slipped" they claimed. "No you did not," mocked the story. Except this was with a child and you'd see it on America's Funniest Home Videos. Actually you probably wouldn't as no-one clearly broke a bone or needed stitches.

This week at school my daughter has been concentrating on the letter N. So for snack time on Monday they had noodles with butter on them. Decent enough. Tuesday they had cookies. No clues as to whether they were alphabetically relevant. Wednesday the kids got Nachos. Which was a massive hit with my daughter. I should probably point out that by Nachos I mean Doritos. With salsa. I've never been inclined to dip a Dorito in salsa. That's counter productive surely? Yesterday the teacher abandoned all pretense to theme and gave the kids dry Fruitloops. That's just lazy. Today is a color theme day of Green (Tree DAy - although the tree is already up), so I'm hoping they don't give the kids Nose Excrement as a color/letter combined-theme snack.

Today is the last official day of Thrift Store Friday. Then it's on hiatus until March. The ladies there told me last week they have tree ornament gifts for my kids which is nice. And we can grab a few more ornaments and guff as well. They have a little pine-cone tree with a red garland there I have kept my eye on too. My daughter would get a kick out of that being in her room. We've already planned on going to the cool Not Really Amish store for some Christmas candy. Or probably more accurately - for my wife to eat tonight until they are all gone before saying they didn't quite hit the spot. I'm getting some coconut bon bons. She doesn't like them all that much so I'm good there. It isn't fair that my wife can stuff her big gob with anything and still look like she's never even tasted candy. Speaking of which - the Winter Fattening was abandoned three weeks ago and I dropped ten pounds of pure sugar and potato chips. That's gross.

I was going to attach some of my daughter's musical creations today. But the copying and hosting of them online isn't clear cut so I'll skip that for now. So instead all I have is a naff video of my son asking for a clementine while I clean up before finding the camera. Fascinating insight into our daily routine.

Amazing stuff.....

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