Friday, March 30, 2012

The Underpants Challenge

I'm not done here obviously.

Oh - hello by the way. Yes I disappeared for awhile. Had some things to do. I'm sure you did as well. In the time I've been away my wife and son had birthdays, we had some bizarre heat-wave, everyone in my family had the flu (the real one where you can't move and the thermometer threatens to wander into 105 degree territory), I lost quite a bit of weight in a shockingly short amount of time, and some other stuff happened too. I did what I had to do (mostly - still doing some of it) and am using this forum to reach out to the wide world of strange people that seem fascinated with my family. I've missed you all. Well - except the bunch of people who Google sent here after searching for "actual ringworm" and "naked manly leprechaun." You people are odd. The rest of you though - I love you all in a very very inappropriate way.

More importantly than all that nonsense though is that my daughter and I have recently begun our wonderful Underpants Collections. This was prompted by her letter of the week at school being a U, and her bringing home a drawing of underpants that each child was asked to drawer. So instead of being ravished with fake-outrage and threatening the school with a civil lawsuit for getting the kids to make paper underpants my daughter and I decided to start our own artwork collections that we may or may not turn into wallpaper. It basically involves drawing lots and lots of templates of underpants (briefs to be precise) and then decorating them in whichever manner tickles our fancy.

First up are a pair I came up with. Those being the Chock Full O' Nuts Underpants on the left, and the "I wish they existed" Gravy Underpants. Both are products ready made for the somewhat fading Scratch and Sniff market, I feel.

My daughter's first contributions are these beauties. On the left we have the rather delightful Well Done At School Underpants. I'd be somewhat disturbed if my daughter got those for a reading prize or some such business. On the right though we have the Ice Skating Underpants. Very fetching.

Next we have my daughter's Snacktime Underpants on the left, and on the right some Angry Birds Underpants. I bet they actually make these already.

The Snacktime Underpants are superb and warrant a close-up. I made some snarky remark about some, "meat and two veg" underpants. Truly high-brow stuff there. My daughter told me she wanted some fruit and vegetable underpants but needed help drawing them. She then thought it would be really great if they were edible ones. But not in a shitty Ann Summers nature - more like a Willy Wonka three-course meal majestic pair of knickers. The dab of ranch dressing (I swear that's what it is...) is a touch of genius if you ask me.

These are not my favorite ones, but good enough. On the left we have the Looks A Bit Like Victor Meldrew Underpants. And on the right we have the Patriot-Pants selection. The small details are the mark of quality here. That being the slight change in star color on the Patriot Pants in the, "something might be dribbling" area on the bottom right. Classy.

And these are all my work. I'm capitulating to the absurd Everything Must Be In 3D!! craze that has gripped Hollywood over the last year or so. On the left we have a nice friendly face - complete with eyes that follow you about the room like a pair of haunted underpants. And on the right is the real surprise. They look like a simple but fethcing pair of snowflake/ice underpants. But don your pair of 3D glasses and voila! - a massive icicle appears to be thrusting forth out of the center of the sweet spot. Cracking stuff.

We are planning to add to our delightful collection throughout the day today. My daughter already has ideas for Easter Egg Underpants. Stay tuned obviously.

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