"I'm just sad because I'm not 40..."
My daughter cried this morning because she isn't fat enough. Actually I should say not heavy enough. But then when I explained to my daughter that in no time at all she'd be heavier purely just by growing she figured out if she as fatter then she'd weigh more. So then she cried because she isn't fatter. She wants to weigh more because once you get to 40 pounds (she's 38ish) you can use a booster and a regular seat belt instead of a car-seat. She then told me that two of the kids in her class have been boasting about winning the race to a booster seat. The one kid has been in one since before he was four. And judging by the look of him (he is easily twice as big as any other kid in the class) I'm not surprised by that.
I then started telling her it is patently ridiculous for a not-even five year old to be emotionally invested about weight - whichever way it went. And that it was even weirder for someone to be complaining about it by saying they wish they were 40. I tried to explain to her why that was funny. She doesn't really get it though. I then told her the ironic twist on an old saying that I made up that goes, "Fact: Outside every thin woman a fat man is trying to get in." Nothing. So instead we dressed up the pillows in my bedroom in my t-shirts. That was fun until it got all weird when my daughter started lying on top of them and yelling, "ooh la la" in a violent manner and then ninja chopping the pillows. I have absolutely no idea where she has got that from. I'm going to have to figure out where the weird Frenchman that has taught her this is hiding.
All this weight silliness became even more ridiculous at the grocery store early this morning when my daughter told me she was upset because she definitely didn't want a doughnut, but probably should struggle through eating one so she could be heavier. She then started wondering what foods she could eat to be heavier. To her credit she then listed half the cack that the kids get at snack time at school. Top of the list were animal crackers. Then she Then she hilariously listed coffee. I told her I drink coffee all the live long day and she looked very confused. Then she came up with what can be the only plausible reason for whatever had caused her to say coffee and looked pleased. So I asked her what she was on about. At which point she told me, "Mr's O at school says that she's only fat because she drinks coffee in the mornings and puts cream in it." Quite why a teacher would bring that up to four and five year old kids is anyone's guess. Then my daughter helpfully said, "I'll tell her next time I see her that she should drink your coffee Daddy - the one that doesn't make people fat." That conversation will go well.
Speaking of which - time for some French Vanilla.