Thursday, June 21, 2012

The Egg Swap

My wife is so clever.

At the realization that my daughter is now off school and home all day long she announced to me that, "you're going to go mental." I presume this is why she came home from work late yesterday and then kept the kids up well after their bedtime jumping in sprinklers in the front yard while I dug holes in 90 degree heat for the ridiculous quantity of hosta's she bought. The kids eventually went to bed late but easy enough. But as any of you with kids will know, it's today that the "mental" part will come into play. Especially if they get up early. Effectively their mother has treated them like a bottle of root beer - shaken it up maliciously - and then handed it back to me saying, "I think this is yours...." and buggered off to the bar. I say bar - I obviously work and then the bar. Which is where she's headed right after work tonight (deservedly I might add-  and it's technically a "working-drink" seeing as she's the Big Kahuna). My desperate need for a reprieve is apparently on hold until the weekend when I've been promised time to myself. Which I imagine I'll be using to mow the lawn.

My daughter was clearly delusional from the late-night as she would not stop singing, "there's a slinky on your winky" during the cold shower afterwards before bed. I kept telling her it was inappropriate but she kept fobbing me off by using the undeniable truth of, "no - it's funny." Can't argue with that. In fact she seems to have returned full-force to accosting me with urgent, incomprehensible nonsense. Take this short conversation after school yesterday that she seems to have completely understood - but I was entirely in the dark about. 

Daughter: Daddy - I've hidden that picture of you for when the burglar comes back. That way he won't be scared.
Me: What burglar?
Daughter: The one with the eggs.
Me: Well obviously.

On the one hand it would be quietly disconcerting that a burglar feels comfortable popping in and out of my house even though he's met by my dog/kids (that's pretty much interchangeable and the same thing really). On the I'm inclined to believe that my daughter is the real victor here as she seems to have set up some sort of eggs-for-swag exchange system. And evidently we are doing quite well because I haven't noticed anything important missing (just one of my t-shirts, the can opener and my dignity is astray at the moment)

In a similar vein of inappropriateness it also didn't help that she really wanted to give the librarian at the library a drawing she'd made. There are a bunch of people that work there - and my daughter didn't really care which one got the drawing - just that she could be altruistic and give one of her ace pictures to someone to make them happier. Which is sweet. It just would have been better if it had been the usual woman we see there  and not the Very Chesty Girl working yesterday. Mostly because my daughter had oddly decided to draw a picture of me with massive hands reaching up to grab two of something in front of him.

"Ummm, my daughter drew you this...." said the massive pervert before he was arrested.

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