Tuesday, August 28, 2012

View From A Mentalist: August 28, 2012

Well it's been awhile! But me constantly taking my daughter's red camera everywhere has motivated her to want to take photos every now and again.  She ended up wandering around the house yesterday after realizing she has loads of things lying around (really - the place is a hole that needs proper cleaning) that she's never taken a photo of. She did take a ton of photos of some pajamas and a sticker book she has - but none of those came out. But mostly if it was something unfamiliar to her then she was taking a photo. A prime example being trying to take a photo of the computer screen when I was entering my new credit card log in information. Thanks honey. Anyway - 95 photos and 3 videos were on the camera. And here's the best of that.

This was the first picture on the camera that was in focus. Worst. Flight. Evar. It's a Little People airplane, a Furby and an alligator. My daughter says the alligator is the actual pilot and that this isn't a photo of it having already eaten the pilot.


Never before and never again will I see a Teddy Bear express annoyance at being woken up so clearly as in this photo. My daughter thinks this is very funny because her conversation with her Teddy Bear is to call him a lazy so-and-so whenever she seems him because he's always just lying about in bed. Clearly he's starting to get sick of hearing that.


I know I'm going to regret writing this but here's a blurry photo of my daughter's finger near a horse hole.It's my son's version of that Teddy above. The stitching around his leg started opening up. It did though give me a chance to make some silly point about how Americans seem to think eating horses is a morally bankrupt idea - even though it's blatantly delicious. But now my son thinks I want to eat his cuddly toy.


My daughter recently watched me crawl through the attic door to chase squirrels. She's now much more interested in going up there than I'd like her to be.


This is the picture on the dog food bag. Really it is. My daughter has alluded to an idea that it's a drawing of our dog's mother - and that's why he likes the taste of it so much. I don't know what she really meant by that and she's now behaving like she has never uttered that idea ever. Which makes me think she really meant something quite unpleasant and is now ashamed of it.


Speaking of dog food this is a fuzzy photo of the dog's current snacks. Yep - pizza flavor. Which is silly to me because my dog is so dainty and feeble that if he actually ate pizza crust or pizza sauce he would vomit it everywhere.


And speaking of vomit - we took the dog out today to the grocery store early - therefore it was cool enough for him to sit in the car and wait. He used that opportunity to vomit between the seats. Luckily I'd left a canvas camping chair there which caught the burnt of it all. It didn't do anything about the rancid odor though - which we all got to enjoy on the drive home. I imagine that at some point in the future some genius will allow you to scratch the photo of that right on your screen and you'll be able to smell the vomit. For the time being though just hold a piece of Hershey's chocolate up to your nostrils and you'll get a very similar effect.


Continuing the theme of deeply sexy things that probably taste amazing - here's a photograph of my big toe covered in chunder. Don't panic though - it isn't what you think (now there's a test to see how vile and depraved you really are). It's insulation foam - I had inadvertently squirted some on my foot after filling a gap in the roof lining between the siding and the roof tile. We'd filled it with steel wool and nails and hoped that would deter the gangs of marauding squirrels that had been sneaking into our house in the evenings. But they ripped that all out and were in there again within an hour. So I filled the hole with detritus (more steel wool and nails) before squirting this stuff in there to bind it all together into an annoying glob. Honest...


This is my daughter's pogo stick. She did try to take a photo of herself on it but that didn't work out. This is a decent shot though. She's surprisingly balanced on it. Which is odd because in one of her books a throwaway comment made is that a kid isn't allowed on a pogo stick because they're only 9.


Speaking of grating concepts in books - we borrowed one from the library. It's supposed to be a list of things a baby can and cannot do according to her 6 year old sister. It made me wince that almost everything described was not at all how we (or for that matter how most people we know) chose to feed, diaper, sleep, clothe, bathe or do anything with their baby. But more so is that there is the suggestion that the attitudes are applicable to all kids. As in all kids are afraid of a potty. Not only did we not use one - but I have no idea why a child would be frightened of a toilet. The pictures are a little naff but here's a few to get the message across. Even my daughter remarked that none of this was applicable to how it really is. 


This isn't a bad photo! It's the end of our driveway this morning. As you can see there are leaves all over the place. It's too warm to really convince you that it is Fall - but it sure looks like it when you consider the trees are either reddening or have shed a ton of their leaves already. And it's still August! I'm telling you - it's gonna snow like a bastard this Winter.


And here's another in a very long series of my daughter getting "evidence" of her brother waltzing in absolutely mashed off his tits at 8am.


Ick. This is one of those shameful photos that make me do things. In this example I'm well aware that the two large plants we've plonked in the dining room (which is completely unused, by the way) need to be chucked out. I just keep not doing it. But now she's taken a photo of them in this decayed a state I no longer can tolerate being so disgusting.


And to finish this fun off - here's two quick videos from this morning. They aren't good or particularly interesting in isolation. But whenever I see videos she's taken I dread that she's the world in such an angular, jerky manner. Add there are two videos - the ending of the first and the start of the second was the period that I thought the camera was on. During which time the dog was covered in a blanket as a ghost and my daughter decided to stab me me right in the head with a pencil. Insted you get this.






1 comment:

  1. I saw so many beautiful red trees already today! I think you're right about the Winter...thank gawd I'm effin off!

    And nice closing shot on the last video!

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