Saturday, September 22, 2012

Making Plans For Nova Scotia

Son: In your brain!!!!

My daughter gets a word or thing stuck in her mind sometimes. For a long while it was banana. If she was caught doing something wrong and you'd ask her she'd quickly blurt, "Erm....banana." Ask her where she's going, what she was doing or anything at all and a banana would be involved somehow. It's sort of the same with my son's current proclivity for the word "cheese." Or his odd response lately when we play hide and seek that - no matter what monster we come up with that we're hiding from - that it is "in your brain Daddy!" Not a clue where he got that from. Right now though my daughter is getting particularly good use out of the word cucumber. Her oatmeal this morning was apparently cucumber and cream flavored. She was unshakeable in her assertion last night that er brother's choice of bedtime toy (he's currently obsessed with sleeping with one of his toy trains) was a cucumber. And at school when I picked her up I mentioned that she needed a good bath to get the ink off her hands and food off her face. So stood amongst the sea of mothers I tried to promote such an idea by asking "and what are we going to put in the bath?" The answer is obviously "bubbles Daddy - bubbles are great." But no - she excitedly yelled, "cucumbers!!" and we quickly left.

On the way home in the car she actually was energized about school enough to actually respond when I asked her what she did. She normally is sunny and happy, but clearly it's over now so let's all emotionally move on to playing, snacks at home and none of this school guff anymore. But when I asked if she had a good day she very brightly enthused, "there are some awesome boys in my class Daddy!" Obviously I then made the mental note to start planning our laborious move to the more rural parts of Nova Scotia. "Most of them sit near me!" she also chipped in. "There used to be another girl there - but we moved her." I got the suitcases out when we got home. 

Actually pretty much everything out her mouth has been like that lately. What follows are a list of some of her more choice proclamations. For example - whilst lying in bed yesterday morning while everyone (except me, obviously) fought the truth that they had to get up - she declared, "I have the pointiest nipples in the house." Obviously I wanted to just let that go but I could see her mother - always focused on everyone around them telling the truth based on empirical evidence - struggling not to point out that she had a long way to go before besting my skalpel-like nipples. 

At dinner last night she poked the chicken around her plate, refused to touch the oven-roasted veggies and then asked why on earth anyone would put sesame seeds on bread. Sensing that - once again - that her complete obliteration of every aspect of dinner might be slightly upsetting for me (what with me spending time to make what she'd asked for and all) she then helpfully added, "Don't worry Daddy. I'm sure a Tasmanian devil would eat your rotten dinner." After I thanked her for the kind words she realized she needed to offer a few more There-There pats on my back so she chucked in, "I only eat food sandwiches Daddy..." and pushed her plate as far away from her as possible.

Needless to say we did have a bath last night. No cucumbers though, thank goodness. After the usual exercise of me sitting with the bathtub faucet rammed into my spine while the kids tried to gyrate as much water out of the tubas possible they did a very strange thing. They both got out and left me to it. That never happens. Of course my son spent every moment of bath time pouring jug after jug after jug of water into my ear/directly over my head/demanding I let him pour it in my mouth - but he still got out as well. My daughter is now allowed to use the hair-dryer by herself so she tries to bathe extra quickly just to get to that part. But my son just wanted to race back and forth naked on the landing. So he got out - barely dried - and then rocketed to and fro asking that we all pay particular attention to the fact that his tally-whacker is wiggling about in the wide open air. So I lay in the bath and made the most of it. I knew the wife likely would get home closer to 10pm anyway so that would be my only non-child time of the entire day. I had my ears under the water and opened my eyes to see my daughter holding the jug of water over me. After I got the water out of my ears she seemed to get her tenses and phrasing wrong 9one dearly hopes) and cheerily said, "Don't worry if its the last thing you ever do Daddy" and then poured into my eyes.


Thank goodness it wasn't a jug of cucumbers or I'd have been blinded.

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