Friday, October 19, 2012

The Symbiotic Maggot and The Belly Button Sandwich

"I'm not wrong honey. That's not our daughter. And we need to call the cops." 

My daughter brought home her school photo for the year this week. As you all can plainly see she's the most beautiful creature ever to walk this pitiful planet. That's not even a biased Dad talking. I mean that with unequivocal sincerity.

And yet when she had her picture taken for Pre-K last year she plastered on a fake smile that you could see from a mile away. Her mouth was all wonky and there was no joy at all. You could tell it was nonsense because when she smiles her entire body smiles. But in that photo not even her whole face did. So I was hoping that she actually did so this time around too. Well...

First of all step around the fact that the photo above looks like I've abducted her and somehow Skype'd the real parents to let them know that I have their child. My scanner isn't hooked up so I just took a quick web-cam photo. Anyhoo - that is a local news channel smile. I mentioned it to her teacher and she says she thought it was genuine. But no - her eyes completely betray her completely. And the fake smile makes it all look like she's involved in a hostage situation (perpetuated by my I've-got-a-bathful-of-acid, gurning face poking out behind her). 

What's weirder still is that it kind of looks like her - but not really. It looks like how girls are made up on shitty American television shows. She looks like she has makeup and Very Big Hair (a central NY thing that makes a lot of women look like a cross between Lassie and Jon Benet Ramsey). In fact it looked just enough not like her that I started writing a story about how a Dad notices that his daughter looks slightly different and exhibits some weird behavior. Like one night the Dad hears a noise at 3am and gets up to find out what it is. After a quick look around he finds his daughter standing silently facing the corner of her bedroom. When he talks to her, puts his hand on her shoulder to turn her round he sees (opr thinks he sees) a huge worm/maggot like thing crawling back into her mouth. He falls down stunned, the wife walks in and the daughter is shown back in the bed and the wife clearly shows that she doesn't think the girl was even awake. On another occasion he swears he sees his daughter from the garage window eating a frog she's found. And not in a swallowed-whole way. When he confides this to his wife she think he's nuts. He also tells his best friend - who happens to also be his doctor. And as he's on meds already they think this is evidence his mental state is slipping. Especially after he sees his daughter and her friend (a younger boy who's also a drone) stab an elderly neighbor who discovers them stealing a gallon-jug of lawnmower gasoline from his barn that they need for as yet unknown nefarious reasons. But then it turns out he was right - it isn't his kid. And the school is basically selling the kids to some alien race and replacing them with vacant drones. All of whom carry a sort of worm/maggot host inside them that feed by being transfered form the mouth of the drone kids into other people.

I checked with my daughter though. I asked her what she wanted for lunch yesterday and she excitedly (nay - demanded) I make her a "peanut butter and belly-button sandwich."

That's my girl.

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