Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A Gravy Filled Brath

My daughter invented something appalling yesterday.

I was explaining the concepts of brunch and linner and how I understood that to be eaten instead of those meals. the point being that she thought a brand new mealtime (I suspected Chip Time was being raised again) should be interjected between the main meals of the day. I remarked on how some people had attempted dunch and brinner as well. But told her that we won't use those in my house because the first sounds like a euphemism for pooing, and the second conjures images of Yul Brinner dancing. Which - after mentioning pooing - is very wrong.

Anyway - she then proceeded to try and mash two words together of her own to come up with her own new meal time. Initially they were all incomprehensible noises. After a while she did manage the word Chinner - which apparently is when you eat chips for dinner. But then she regressed to just making strange Klingon-like guttaral grunts and claiming they were real words. That is until she invented what I can only describe as the kind of slobbery-genius. One that may spur on an unhealthy cultural fad that would have her good name decried by many leading nutritionists. She came up with the word Brath to describe eating breakfast in the bath. And not a nice calm bowl of Rice Krispies either. She means pancakes and syrup with a fence-pile of bacon on the side. She even added "and if you spilled the syrup in the bath you'd have to drink it." To be honest I can imagine that Burger King and McDonalds have already toyed with the idea of a bacon-based bathtub breakfast bonanza. Bizarrely when we relayed this story (and it's a Story of Victory thank you) to her mother we were met with her mothers idea of a meal time that included the words Dong Dong. Which sounds euphemistically rude or possibly like the name of a Korean panda bear.

Also today is the last day of school until next Monday. Actually November is a travesty in an educational sense because there is barely a string of three days together that aren't interrupted with half-days so that teachers can do all the important things that require all this time without children at school. Oh - and to add in all the "lost days" from last year because they didn't get as many snow days as were hoped for so are hilariously taking extra ones off this year because that was totally unfair. Anyhoo - at lunch today there's a huge family feast. My daughter is very excited about it. She became so excited that she asked if she could take her teddy along. This was premised around the fact that her teacher told the class she was afraid of snakes - so I told her to take in a wooden toy snake to scare her with. Which she did and made her feel special and happy. Thankfully that particular incident was carefully choreographed by me so that she didn't suddenly yell, "Hey teacher!! I brought a snake to school in my bag! I'll get it out! You are going to be TERRIFIED!!!!111!!" Because that went so well she wants to take in more things. Which would be obnoxious incredibly quickly. So I told her that it was a bad idea.

My daughter didn't like the boringly stale refusal of "but then all the kids will bring stuff in all the time" so came up with her own notion. That being that what if teddy escaped and rampaged around the school looking for something, anything - or ANYONE to eat. After all - he is a grumpy looking bugger. So grumpy looking that he may or may not have a penchant for eating children. It's never been proven that he doesn't at least. Which led to this.

It doesn't bear thinking about....

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