Monday, November 19, 2012

Shrimp Squirter and The Hairy Clementine

Lest anyone doubt my daughter is a miserable sod today she made a nice impression when I picked her up from school. She meandered down the hallway in a "I'd much rather be doing anything else than this crap" manner. As soon as she got to my son and I she feebly asked "so - did I get any prizes today?" Which sounds like a total setup so that I say "No" (because why would she have prizes?) and she can moan about the injustice of it all. So we went out to the car and I put my son in. Then I wandered around to her side and opened the door with mock annoyance. And then I theatrically called inside, "Oh! Grumpy are we!? Then I guess I'll have to poke you in the Tickle Button!" Which she completely resisted before rebutting with, "I just shot you with my shrimp squirters inside your mouth and now you'll die." I see....

Just how absurdly grumpy is she? She thinks I'm an insane evil genius. To break the tension on the way home I decided to tell her about an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine her brother and I had seen on Youtube called "Thomas and The Stinky Cheese." I explained the whole storyline. At the conclusion of each mini story-arc she expressed complete doubt that this could possibly be a real episode. And then when I told her that her brother and I played Thomas and The Stinky Cheese with his toy trains (with the useless yellow truck finally getting a focus it has completely missed) she knew absolutely I'd made it up. So when we got home I showed her. All seven and a half minutes of it. During which she repeatedly claimed that I'd made it up. When it was done she was even more indignant than before. She was absolutely incensed too that I would go to all that effort - creating models and filming the whole thing - just to make her look foolish. This goes hand in hand with the claim she made last week that I'd deliberately put a bad-tasting bubble in her milk somehow. I suspect somewhat that she's reading too many superhero versus bad-guy stories.

Then - as is often the case - she calmed down rapidly over lunch. I'd promised her the not-at-all healthy Nutella on bread option. She ate a clementine while I did that. When I was done she asked for another one. I joked, "if you eat another one you;ll turn into one" and that nearly ruined her change of mood completely. But then she had an idea for clementine flavored M&MS called Clemeneminem. Which is absolute genius. At which she absolutely proved she's been reading/watching too much superhero/evil genius stuff by asking me to make a video of her clemeneminem idea. Lately she's been thinking up something rude or allegedly funny and then asking if she can video it under the ruse of something else. Which is what this is.

Since she "completely tricked" me she's been in a pompously happy mood. I'll take that I guess.

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