Saturday, March 9, 2013

The Giant Coconut

Son: QUICK!!! THE BABY IS GOING OT EAT US!!!


I took my son to the indoor playgroudn near us yesterday. For a full half an hour he pretty much did this.


Yep - unsurprisingly he ignored the other two kids (one was a girl about 6 months older and the other one a boy around a year old) there completely and played with that honking big train you can see on the table there before just playing with the wooden train set they had. Then he randomly perked up when he heard the mother keep repeating my name - which just so happened to be the name of the baby she had with her. That sparked him into an immediate fantasy land where he grabbed the attention of the little girl there and screamed, "QUICK!! THE BABY IS GOING TO EAT US!!!" I should stress that he hadn't said much of anything to the girl, baby boy or their mother at this point. So him running over there, pointing at the drooling kid and airing that warning may have seemed a bit strange. But as kids are want to do the girl was entirely on the same wavelength and gave a good, "LORD HELP US ALL!!!" shriek. For the next hour she and my son would run right up to the baby, my son would yell something along the lines of, "Him going to get us!" before escaping to safety up the stairs of this two-level play firehouse.


Of course that wasn't the end of it all. Oh no. My son had apparently found his true calling here. Normally they would hide up there and shriek, "HE'S GOING TO EAT US!!" through those little plastic windows. Then the girl would athletically slide down the fireman's pole. My son absolutely would not let go of that massive plastic train so he'd make his way down the stairs. By the time he'd done that the baby boy would have ambled up to the steps. At which point my son would - with astounding volume and ferocity, may I add - stretch out the flat palm of his hand toward the boy's face and yell, "ICECUBE!!!" Then he and the girl would scramble back up the stairs and my son would triumphantly (seriously - he was quite pompous about it) declare that he'd used his super powers against the baby. Those super powers being (I feel we should review) -:

1 - Yelling, "icecube" at him.
2 - Climbing stairs.

That's it. Which is also how Dr. Who defeats the Daleks mind you (sans, "icecube" shrieking) - so why mess with a tried and tested method? I will try and ascertain though if he's freezing the baby or if he's just referencing his favorite member of N.W.A. They might be there again next week so if he starts barking, "they have the authority to kill a minority" then I think we can officially declare which one of those that is (FACT: I once watched two very drunk, very white, very ginger and very middle class - and seemingly very nice, by the way - engineering students rap that song in the middle of a conversation about how frisbee is bad-ass and that bagels are terrible without smoked salmon on them).

Anyhoo - we're off to the library in a bit. Tomorrow it's the Science Museum in Syracuse. But while I did the dishes and cleared up the general guff around the house my daughter made this for you. Right before which I showed her the train track I'd got for her brother's birthday that I've hidden upstairs. She then "tricked him" by telling him brazenly that we'd just been upstairs to, "look at Daddy's giant coconut."

Then she turned to me and gave me the, "yeah - we tricked the fool..." look.


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