Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Chocolate Sausage Two: Spoonfeeding Failure

So, I want you to take a look at this.

That's my son with holding on tightly to a teaspoon. It's in a mug of hot chocolate. It did have rainbow marshmallows in there - but he's eaten them. Notice anything else? Against every inclination I have to obey a modicum of decency or societal norms I want you to look at his crotch. No - I don't work for the BBC so it's okay. Trust me. See how there's a telltale damp circle? Most parents will think they know what that is. But no. That isn't urine. Oh no. Instead what I caught him doing was, "feeding hot chocolate to Mr. Winkie."

Now - I want all of you with kids to do a little exercise with me. Add up all your parenting successes and proud moments on a piece of paper. If you are so inclined go ahead and make a tally chart. If you're a full-on nutter feel free to even graph your results. Now tally all the moments of failure or embarrassments. And do some very simple mathematics and deduct that from your original number. Chances are that all in all you are still well ahead on the plus side of things. Bear in mind that a lot of those negatives are also valuable learning experiences for everyone as well. Now scribble out all those negatives so that all that remains are the wonderful plus points. Now underneath that write down, "I just found my boy spoon-feeding his penis hot chocolate with marshmallows in it."

Congratulations - you just earned minus 100 Dad points.

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