Monday, January 27, 2014

Chit Chat

I listened to someone recently explain how - and you won't believe it - they could have been married to Robert Downey Jr.

As in someone mentioned Iron Man 3 and they took that as a pre-planned springboard to mention that some years back they met him randomly in a public place and he was quite nice and normal. Apparently he was charming and very charismatic. Which apparently translates to a solid marriage six years later. I must be in a sour mood because normally I don't care about this sort of thing. But a stinging sense of homesickness combined with general irritability had me wanting to politley but sternly interrupt with, "look - nobody believes that you nearly slept with Robert Downey Jr. Let alone would be married to him now. Unless of course you mean nearly in the sense that I nearly slept with Kate Winslet once because I happened to be knocking one out when she was on television. Which was obviously just a coincidence. Mostly because my neighbor just happened to watching Titanic and I could see it through the window."

Anyhoo - in office bathroom bathroom news - the other day I saw someone who I dearly hope was wiping mayonnaise out of their beard. Honestly there are some rough looking women here. Seriously though – I’m well aware that the filth resides entirely in my own mind there. But I was somewhat impressed with just how liberal I am when after immediately seeing this person that I thought, “ah well – two consenting adults and not violating company policy – go nuts….” Also I’m impressed with the frequency of cleaning involved here. At my last place there seemed to be some sort of, “if you piss on it, it’s yours” system of ownership going on. But here the crew is in there twice a day during my shift scrubbing away at the yellow shame. Kudos to them.

One big feature of life I'd been absent from for so much time was the office-cooler gossip chat. So conversations about celebrities, famous people or tv shows that seem to operate on a lowest common denominator basis. So general chatter about how hysterically funny Kevin Hart and Adam Sandler are. Both of whom are about as funny as tick-borne meningo encephalitis.   I've also apparently missed the joy of banal, vapid, humanoid-arsewipes the Kardashians. Managed to avoid them entirely when I stayed home. Apparently I am in the minority for not seeing this show judging by the frequency of chatter about it. Also everyone seems a-buzz at the movie The Hobbit. Again – I haven’t seen this nor am planning to - therefore I am seen as some sort of outsider. Coincidentally I should point out that when I pitched my idea for a movie about a hairy-footed midget with a magic ring to a movie studio I was escorted from the premises. Hypocrisy I tell you. Still – I’m looking forward to hearing back about my idea for a TV movie called A Touch Of Frost – in which Detective Frost is investigated via Operation Yew tree after being alleged to have deliberately fallen through a pub bar onto an under-aged child.

It's only a matter of time.


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