Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Recycled (Vince) Offer

Fuckingspacebardoesn'twork.

The space bar on my laptop died. Actually quite a lot of the keys died.  the Shift keys and arrrows mainly. And there are some hideously virulent viruses on there. Not sure how they got there at all (......cough....). Anyhoo combine that with the failing mouse-pad, the depressed screen and the general oldness of it and I've had to throw the towel in (not one possibly utilized when viewing above mentioned websites, by the way....) and get a new one. So this is being bashed out with a virtual keyboard on the dying computer before a refurbished one lands on Thursday. So - for today only here's a one-time offer recycled from somewhere else (Ed: doesn't that mean it isn't one time though ?).


Ladies - save dollars, dollars, dollars with the launch of my new creation - the Shamwow tampon - known as the Shampon! Made with recycled Smarties tubes stuffed with fragments of Shamwow cloth - you can now forget the mad dash to the store. Never again feel that uncomfortable panic with the need to buy boxes upon boxes of tampons once those lady-cramps start chewing away. Instead one Shampon - with it's ultra-absorbent German technology made from the hair of humanely euthanized German Shepherds - can last up to seven menstrual cycles (eight, if you enjoy a particularly light flow). Simply wring the Shampon out after each Lady Week and then re-use!

Each Shampon is guaranteed to have been sealed with the spittle of Vince Offer. Comes with a free box of Tamwow band-aids and squeezable toilet paper (so absorbent they could remove brown-shame from a hot-tub) if you order by Valentines Day!



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