Thursday, February 20, 2014

Baaaarmy Army

Aryan Child Support.

Fuzzy logic is a wonderful thing. Where I work it helps immensely to highlight potential dodgy financial transactions. It's also the cause of throwing up every Tom, Dick and Anil that may or may not be suspicious. Call it profiling if you like (and it very much is). Still - yesterday I had to investigate a payment because of the phrase above. I don't even know what that could be if it was an accurate description. Turns out it was Hungarian Child Support. Which is equally as vague and strange.I did also encounter the gloriously named Anil Mobile. Which sounds either like some sort of very weird boast, a vehicle solely for your anus or the most poorly thought out design for a baby mobile that has ever been dreamed up. Not sure I'd want to stare up from my crib as a baby and see several tiny arses revolving above me. Actually I didn't need to specify an age - I don't want to see that now either.

I spent a portion of yesterday trying to convince a coworker that I'm really Superman solely based on the evidence that everyone can see my underpants. Well - if they asked nicely. To be fair I do own glasses that also make me look in no way different - as it does for Clark Kent. And I do own an all-over, tight, Lycra body-suit. But that's not for superhero work - it's for scaring children with. However I don't own any bright red underpants. Which just from a standard of life position is a glaring oversight on my part. I do own a cape (what self-respecting divorced man doesn't?) and have - on occasion - thought that I could fly. But that was during university mostly. Where - coincidentally - I did often waltz abut the place in just my underpants.

Staying on the theme of underpants for the past week or so my kids have been randomly mentioning that they know exactly where to get, "the magic underpants." Apparently it involved several sheep and a special hole. Obviously I was disturbed by this because it wasn't some random nonsense that I had made up. Turns out though that it is part of a Shaun the Sheep computer game. My daughter is currently obsessed with both Shaun and Barbie. She will flit between the two without any seeming divide. Which makes it incredibly hard to know what she's talking about as she spreads her dolls out on the floor and says she has to, "brush her flock." I'm not going to lie - that sounds like the backstory for a nut-job on Criminal Minds.

I mean really - does this look anything other than the main suspect in a particularly disturbing episode of CSI: Port Talbot?

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