Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Rubber Cement

Over the weekend my kids attempted not to go stir-crazy because of the weather.

It's nasty cold season. My kids have just got over one. Their mother is in the last dregs of it. The daycare lady is in the midst of flu. Oddly I have avoided it all so far. Nevertheless, being on the outer edge of it all my kids and I tried to make the best of it this past weekend. Still, with the echo of the flu still ringing in the background it was evident that all was not entirely well. For example my daughter seemed to be more or less better. But then if we drove anywhere she'd be asleep within ninety seconds. And more telling - she'd have frequent, inexplicable little-breakdowns throughout Saturday that would disappear as quickly as they came.

My son was the kind of snotty where if you threw him at a wall (Dear CPS - I don't do this - it's just a silly statement) he'd stick to it. Green, thick mushy-peas like snot oozed out of him constantly. All of his words sounded like they began with the letter B. And no matter how diligently I tried to get him to use a tissue he'd frequently forget and end up grabbing his shirt around the belly button - foisting it up to his nose - and then rubbing thick, rubber-cement boogers as aggressively as he could. Oddly he's been carrying around a box of tissues in a bag wherever he goes (to daycare, my house and up to his grandparents) that he uses methodically for about an hour or so until he forgets. Then he smears his nostril-paste across his shirt until he remind him he has them and he starts another hour of tissue use. I'm hoping that in later life he doesn't constantly travel about clutching such a big box of tissues lest he make a shameful name for himself as someone always prepared to knock one out should perversion take hold of him. Mind you if he keeps smearing his nose all over himself so that it looks like a slug has jizzed all over him he'll get that reputation anyway.

Anyhoo - the weather was poo all weekend. It's been cold but warmed up to that annoying temperature where everything just gets wet. That kind where the snow turns brown/grey at the slightest touch and the freezing rain soaks you if you stay out too long. So we held out for as long as possible potching about my crappy apartment until cabin fever set in. My daughter has taken to dressing up her collection of Barbie dolls so spent an hour or so doing that while my son wiped snot all over himself and his Spiderman car.

In the end though we had to go out. The kids were just bored shitless by early afternoon. So as the rain subsided a little I zipped us off to the playground down the street. I told them we couldn't stay too long because a) they were still sick so fifteen minutes of this and they'd be shattered to the brink of potential weepiness, and b) everything was soaking wet. But whatever - it relieved the boredom enough.

I did try and take a video with my phone but I constantly forget that it doesn't rotate once you start filming. So all I have is a rather dull, ten second clip that ends up being sideways. And while I know that the golden rule of this sort of thing is that you don't have to put up any old crap - I'm going to anyway.

Lastly I figured I'd show you the strange man we saw on Sunday. No prizes for guessing where this parking lot is. Anyway - I saw him meandering down towards the car as we parked and couldn't quite understand why someone would be wearing that outfit when it was this cold. Mind you the delightful combination of boots, shorts and whatnot did allow my son to point and shout, "THAT MAN IS IN HIS UNDERPANTS!"

Nothing quite like squatting behind a car in a Walmart parking lot and taking covert photos of men in their underpants.

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