Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Liverpool Hump Duck

I'm guessing that out of all the people reading this that I am the only person today who - as part of their job - had to Google the phrase, "transparent acrylic donut."


I've come t accept how feebly childish I am when it comes to names. I just can't help myself. For example after reading the name Hari Anil I literally had to go for a walk around the office. I had locked my computer - the offensive name still throbbing underneath the screensaver - and gone to try and very quickly grow up. But when I came back and logged back on the name was still there - like a government health warning about rectal foliage. I even found myself physically pretending the comb the screen. Although immediately afterwards I said out-loud to no-one in particular that possibly it woudl have been better to wipe it down with toilet paper.

A few hours later and I was forced into another quick lap after being assaulted with the name Parshall Wang. Which actual sounds like the olden days when men had names to describe their own trade. Although in this case apparently that means their job was having only some of their penis. God only knows what line of business the South African politician Tokyo Sexwale engaged in, if we were to abide by these rules. Hands down that is the finest and most ridiculous name the world has ever tossed up. Granted he did give himself the monicker, "Tokyo." I like to imagine he was thinking along the lines of the Beckhams when they named their children after where they were conceived (please God let them have another child with the first name Anil....). Plus on top of that he's one of those weirdo's with a fetish for something entirely out of the ordinary. In this case - a whale. Perhaps - as I've mentioned before - that name isn't remotely amusing in South Africa. Mind you Egnlish is fairly common - so he's clearly taking the piss. It'd be like me turning up at work tomorrow and announcing, "from now on I want you all to refer to me as Aberdeen Fuckpig."

Oh - and if you're wondering that first thing I Googled doesn't describe a device used by people with hemorrhoids. No - instead it was a description of something someone was purchasing an awful lot of  that when I Googled made it look like I might be looking up anal beads at work.

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