Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Pig Scabs

Sex gravy....


I don't usually get hungry in work. But today I had a massive craving for gravy and chips. A few hours later this had morphed into needing a Scotch egg. In an effort to assuage me a coworker offered me some Hershey's chocolate. Which is a bit like saying you're incredibly horny and someone showing you a naked photo of Keith Chegwin.

A Can of Corned Beef
Anyway, the food-lust was strong. Luckily I keep a picture on my phone of a food from back home that helps me beat the cravings. A reminder that there's plenty across the water that is beyond rank. It's only right that I share it with you - so that in those times when you crave something from back home you can remind yourself that sometimes it's good to be five thousand miles away from this sort of thing.

Keith Chegwin
I should admit that I haven't set foot in England since 2008. So there's a lot that I just don't know anymore about food. I haven't been exposed to Mel and Sue making risque comments about cakes. It's been an age since I've witnessed Nigella Lawson explaining why she really thinks you'd like to suck the frosting off her muffins. I have ni idea if you can still get a bloody good much down the pub before hanging around for the quiz. And I have next to no idea if when you buy a sausage roll from Greggs if they still have those weird lumps in them that can only be a pig verruca. So in a sense feeling shockingly queasy about corned beef doesn't really mean all that much. I'm well aware that for other English people transplanted to the US - reminded about corned beef sandwiches or corned beef pie - that I'm probably in in the minority here. I know a lot of British people who adore that stuff. You know I've had a lot of deeply suspicious things in my mouth. But I choose foods based on two very simply rules -:

1 - Never eat anything that might give you a yeast infection.
2 - Never eat anything that looks like that - at one time - it might have had scabs.

So you see why I won't eat corned beef.

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